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>> Wednesday, November 11, 2009

He slowly peaked into the dark cave. He flashed his lights to have a closer look. He just couldn’t believe what he just saw.

It was no ordinary cave. It was as if Alibaba’s cave had opened up for him without even saying “Open Sesame”. He would be a rich man now… the cave had opened up endless possibilities for him.

He could now invest in that plum piece of real estate he’d been eyeing and that mean machine too would be his. Then that diamond he had promised his wife on her birthday would be reality .. atleast there would no more be “Do you swat flies for a living ?” taunts

He decided to explore the cave further … he wanted to leave no stone unturned.

Thus ran the thoughts through my dentist’s mind as he looked at my teeth………….

As for me .. I am filing for Bankruptcy


One step at a time …

>> Sunday, September 13, 2009

The path seemed familiar but why am I feeling lost? I try hard to find familiarity around me. I hesitate to reach out, like a sibling who had drifted away and lost touch.

I trace a line along the dust that has formed around, the dust almost mocking back at me for blatant neglect. The traced line however revealed a little bit of the world I had stored away in the deep abyss of my mind. The world which had tried to forget existed, the friends I had left behind. A lot of water had flown below the bridge , but there were many things worth going back for.Something was tugging at my heart to give this a chance again ...

I realize that this is a part of me I can’t let go. I need to live with it and nurture it. As I tread down the path again, I wonder what was stopping me from coming back. Was I scared of rejection or had I really wandered away aimlessly?

Will I be able to connect like before.. Only time will tell… But I am ready to take little steps again …

I slowly take baby steps back into my mindspace...


Honest Ramblings

>> Saturday, July 4, 2009

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.” When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to the said person so everyone knows she/he is real. Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!!!

The master chef in blog world found it apt to present me this award. I suddenly woke up like Rip van Winkle to realize I had forgotten to give an acceptance speech. Voila here we come..

“First of all, I have always dreamed of this moment as a little girl (That’s not so long ago ok :P). In my moment of glory I would like to thank God (yeah he plays a big role), my parents, my readers, my friends (whom I literally have to beg to read my crap), the world around me which gets interesting by the day .. from the people in the meeting rooms to the Schummachers on the road .. without you all mindspace would be empty!!!!

Here are the confessions of an honest mind…( Mai gita pe haat rakh ke kassam kha leti par aap yahi puchenge ki gita kaun hai … so I skipped that step…. :D)

1) I procrastinate like procrastination is going out of fashion. On second thoughts I think I will take a vow to stop procrastinating …errr.. from tomorrow!!!

2) I am allergic to rude people. One rude encounter early in the morning and it sets the pace for a bad day!! Anybody out there knows about immunity to rudeness vaccine???

3) I talk a lot .. if yapping had Olympics .. I would have got India the gold!! But I don’t gossip.

4) I hate it when people call women with opinion as feminists!! Would you like it if I called you a sissy if you didn’t??

5) I thrive on my sarcasm, and it has gotten me into trouble too as many a times people don’t get it.

6) I get flustered when I know people are watching me work. I then goof up with simplest things like breaking an egg too!!

7) I am short tempered … but I cant get myself to scream at people .. it keeps simmering inside me!!

8) I am not a fan of gold jewellery … its always silver or oxidized stuff for me.. (hope all the mallu elders don’t ostracize me from our community for this confession)

9) I dream of leading a boho life.. doing something offbeat .. away from the madness of IT!!

10) Phew finish line… I believe its ok to lie if it doesn’t harm anyone!!! :D


Of rabbit holes and fairy tales!!

>> Wednesday, June 10, 2009

She wandered along hoping to find some peaceful place to rest her tired feet. Suddenly she found herself falling into something that seemed like a rabbit hole, and in no time she found herself in a world so different from hers.

She looked in awe at the leafless trees, barren trees and snow capped mountains. A gust of cold wind almost knocked her over. She looked around for place to shelter herself till the wind ceased. Far ahead in the distance she saw an old dilapidated mansion. She treaded towards it as quickly as her tired legs could carry her.

Just as she reached the gates, the door of the mansion was thrown open and she was greeted by a group of ferocious looking men and women clothed in black from head to toe. Their eyes seemed to be gleaming with a wicked intent. Their laughter gave her goose bumps.
She wished she could convince them she had trespassed into their world by chance and meant no harm. She opened her mouth to speak but no sound came, her voice had locked itself in fear… Her eyes had begun to fill up …. What kind of a soup had she got herself into…

Suddenly she heard a booming voice ask … “ So Deepti , what are your views about the Functional Specification document!!” And all of a sudden the mansion transformed into a blur of ice cold conference rooms, black laptops … the locked voice into a yawn and the blur was due to sleepy watering eyes…
So now I don’t even need to explain to the few people who read me where I had disappeared ;)

As John Lennon Says… You may say I'm a dreamer....But I'm not the only one!! :)



>> Monday, April 20, 2009

She sits with you in a group, flashes her brightest smiles, and cracks the most nonsensical jokes. You smile back, laugh at her jokes … tears roll down her eyes, you believe they were tears of joy..
Have you ever wondered if the bright smile someone flashes at you, hides a pain beyond imagination?

God really used his imagination when he created humans. Each one is so distinct with the way they express themselves. Some of them talk about it to all and sundry and get over with it. Some just sulk over it, leaving other's guessing what went wrong . Some of them store it in the far abyss of their heart and minds and just wear masks. Only that the masks tend to become so heavy that they eventually break the individual’s persona….

Clowns wear a face that's painted intentionally on them so they appear to be happy or sad. What kind of mask are you wearing today?”


Grass on the other side…….

>> Monday, April 6, 2009

The people at Infosys think Wiproites have it better. Satyam folks believe its way better at Cognizant. The Tata Motors guys envy those at GM or Volkswagen. Symantec people believe McAfee are the chosen ones… The argument goes on!!!
Why do you think people complain that companies aren’t recruiting?

The grass on the side is always greener… the good looking guys and girls are always in the other company!!
But as the great thinker and philosopher Dilbert put it
“The world is full of attractive people whom you will never meet. Your only hope for romance is to lower your standards until co-workers look good!!!”


Really Proud!!

>> Friday, March 20, 2009

They were both beaming with joy. He had scored 90 marks. Finally he had overcome all the obstacles and got to the top. He had been battling ridicule for so long, they were glad he finally got his due.
I just looked at them, wondering where I had failed them. No matter what I achieved, they didn’t seem to notice it anymore. May be I wasn’t trying hard enough…..

My parents’ reaction to reality show contestants’ marks is beyond my understanding. I don’t remember them reacting with so much pride even to my academic achievements (ok ok not that I gave them many chances ... but still!!)
As for me, let me quote Calvin “Reality continues to ruin my life." ;)


Striking a deal!!

>> Thursday, March 5, 2009

Too much of abuse seemed to have finally taken its toll. The poor guy finally snapped. “I am going on a strike”, he said. The employers tried their best to negotiate a deal, but to no avail. This time, they had tried his patience too far.
The employers are now sending him for a full paid holiday with spa treatment and all (yeah in recession time … lucky guy!!), so that he comes back rejuvenated and inspired to work again.

When the red flags went up in my room, I was wondering if this is an illusion due to overdose of Malayalam news channels at home and the red flags I get to see there. But this time it was for real… my good ol PC has really gone on a strike…. We have just sent it on a fully paid vacation to our vendor .. for spa treatment and massage included package :(

P.S: I decided I am not going to take the strike without a fight... so I blogged my sad tale in my lunch time ... no strike can stop my blog :P


Act 2

>> Friday, February 13, 2009

The curtains are down on the play for the nth time. The director couldn’t believe they had come such a long way. The play had been based on common people and the writer’s experiences in general. A small idea which had germinated in the writer’s mind had traveled so far. The play had now traversed across the country and even crisscrossed the globe. It was an exhilarating feeling. So many different people met, each meeting just widening their well knit community, almost like a brotherhood.

There was so much hard work behind each performance, the hard work of the people who worked silently behind the scenes… the people the audience don’t see or applaud.

This blog turns 2 today. I can’t believe it has been only 2 years, it seems like ever. There are lots of people who became a part of my life from this world. Most of them whom I haven’t even met, but the bond is there and will be there even if this blog fades away. A special thank you to my friends Nikhil, Keshi, Mayz, Thomas, Mathew, Anju, Shantanu, Swats and Abhi. Thanks a ton for being there always!!!

How can I end this post without thanking a pal ( you know who you are), thanks for being the stingiest critic ( yeah very hard to please) and also making sure “This show goes on!!” without long breaks :D

And to all those who have been a part of this little journey of mine… gracias for bearing with all the good, bad and real ugly stuff I dished out!!

Also a very happy Valentine's day to all Cupid's chosen sons and daughters ;)


Do you have the answer??

>> Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A crouched figure, fear written in its eyes looked all around. Danger seemed to lurk from all corners. The light shone brightly from the enemy side, blinding its vision. There seemed no route to escape, legs seemed rooted to the ground, paralyzed in fear, and no amount of cajoling seemed to work.

The lights moved closer and there were expletives flying in the air…. and then smoke, pandemonium and confusion reigned!!!!!!

So what’s the age old question….”Why did the chicken cross the road?” almost as eternal a question as “When will Deepti learn to cross the road properly?

P.S: I make a fool of myself each time i cross the road.. so much so that people actually stand across and watch the stand up routine I put forth for them :P


That unknown feeling

>> Monday, February 9, 2009

Dear Diary,

It's know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.

That’s precisely been the thought running through my mind since yesterday and I have been actually running around like a headless chicken. Almost forcing people to keep me company, so that the thought doesn’t cross my mind again. I feel like I am holding onto the strings of a kite which is waiting to snap through my fingers. A kite which will break free and fly so far away, leaving me with just the broken string pieces and bruised fingers to call my own.

What scares me the most is whether I’ll be able to let go the string on my own and walk away with just pleasant memories of the kite. Or will those scars my fingers carry from the cuts the string gave me after breaking free on its own hurt so much that my eyes sting with unshed tears…. The vibes of the inevitable are strong … On second thoughts it isn’t an unknown feeling, it’s that feeling of helplessness ………….

Now let me recite to you one of my favorite poems by Edgar Guest; dear diary which mirror my feelings to perfection…

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;

I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm for bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

P.S: Some times the grey clouds do loom over mindspace…. And the laughter seems to pale in its comparison!!!!!!


Missed Opportunities!!!

>> Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I just lost a golden opportunity to give my career a boost. I am dejected and extremely angry that I didn’t take time out to develop those skills. With so much talk about pink slips and salary cuts, this had been a god send opportunity.

It all started when I got a call from the placement agency, which in these dark times seemed like the 10th wonder of the world. The representative in her most professional voice told me they had a few openings and it was high paying. As she listed out one job profile, my excitement knew no bounds. It was exactly the kind of boost I needed. With lots of responsibilities and a salary to die for!! The growth path was tremendous too!!

However when she listed down the qualifications and eligibility criteria, my heart sank like the Titanic. I switched off my phone for the entire day to mourn my great loss………

Here’s what the consultanat said to me:
1) Education (minimum eligibility): The lesser the better. Proficiency in handling fire arms like AK 47 and breaking a few bones.
2) Excellent financial skills: Including an ability to overstate the financial gains and make get finance in the form of hafta to the organization.
3) Oratory and public speaking skills
4) A flair to explore medical opportunities.. ( read drugs) and willingness to pursue real estate areas in confined spaces ….( did you know that’s a code word for jail??)

Pssst … there is a braking news ….actually Amar bhaiyya ( his secretary actually) had called me before he called Sanju … I lost the golden chance to serve you all … if only I had paid attention to enhancing my skill sets…………. :(


The Diagnosis

>> Monday, January 12, 2009

She had been grappling with this problem from time immemorial, to be precise from the time she was 10 months old. Many treatments had been tried and many doctors consulted, but the ailment persisted. Even eating food was a problem. Her appetite seemed to vanish each time she sat down for a meal...

The problem got her into trouble everywhere she went. In school, she was always discriminated against, even made to stand outside the class for no fault of hers. The teachers overlooked her case; they even had no words of comfort to offer.
She tried very hard to overcome her troubles, but it seemed in vain. Her friends supported her, but she had this feeling a day would come when they would stop doing it too. She would have to fight her battles on her own.

After many years of struggle, there was a diagnosis to her condition. They called it ETD and the cause they presumed was genetic and in her case from the paternal side. This was a first step in her fight against her problem. Complete cure was still a research topic... she just prayed for a miracle......

The diagnosis was Excessive Talking Disorder (ETD).... wish this had been done when I was in school.. would have been spared of kneeling down on corridors!!!
Now I know why I suffer from poor appetite too, I talk more than I eat and by the time I go back to my food, everyone is done with eating and left the table or glaring at me to finish. How can a poor soul eat in such difficult conditions?

Treatment is on …One friend even suggested working in a silent movie to reduce the urge to talk… and he is gonna train me to communicate silently on the telephone too ( I have such caring friends) Any other suggestions are always welcome!!!!!!!!!!

P.S : The ETD researchers have invited me to give a “talk “ on the issues faced by people with ETD … any fellow sufferers know where to contact me … we can talk about it ;)


Deadly Silence!!!

>> Wednesday, January 7, 2009

She looked at him, her sad eyes unable to hide the pain of him not responding to anything.
Days had stretched into weeks now; there had been no change in his situation. Nothing seemed to be working, neither the medicines nor the prayers. There were talks around her to replace him, how she wondered it was possible to sever someone from one’s life so easily, just because they can’t serve you anymore.

Slowly she tried to get acquainted to his replacement; but his loyal services over the years still seemed to haunt her. She hoped against hope that his heart would beat again. For the past few days, he had been just lying like a vegetable. She willed her folks to adhere by her decision to keep him alive for a few more days, even if it was through life support. She wanted him to have one last chance.

So my mother keeps on hoping for our dead landline phone to wake up since the past 15 days. Slowly getting accustomed to the cell phone, which she had resented with the intensity of Taliban fighting the US forces. Addicted to the tele phone, she used to chide me .. but the tables just turned ;) Now just one small beep from our friend the telephone will be the best music we have heard in years !!!!!

PS: And pray why is the telephone a “he”.. you may ask? Because it only listens what you got to say and throws it out through its other ear (literally), and never says anything in return!!!!!!!!!!! :D (ok now I can see the male brigade baying for my blood and my sistahs nodding their head vigorously in agreement ;) )